Well, I’m just this guy, you know?
No? Ok, then, try this.
During the 1970s, I produced several albums, under my nom-de-plume “Nonexistant”, including such classics as “Point Delay Relay” and “Not on My Watch: Live!” by BogStandard, the posthumous “Bach or Bacharach?” by Mrs Mills and the never to be forgotten found “Steerage Stories” by The Snotz and the St Adrian’s Mixed Infants School Choir – sessions for which saw several choir members in therapy for some years.
A multi-instrumentalist, my solo album “I kid you not” was released without the cover art work – apparently the images were deemed “unacceptable” by some interfering old busy bodies. Unfortunately, the color for the text wasn’t changed so it was produced with black text on a black background and record stores thought it was filler.
My acting career saw me given several uncredited, indeed invisible, roles including “4th man in bus queue”, “man in crowd” and, unforgettably, “3rd iguana”.
After making millions through chain-letter and time-share “deals”, I retired to breed gerbils on my 73 acre estate. As the oldest ever Olympic fencing medallist, and the ninth youngest Norfolk inter-schools speed skater, my sporting record speaks for itself.